Money is the biggest driving force in the world. It (money) can build relationships, destroy them, build nations, destroy them, destroy marriages, etc. Without the right approach, couples find it difficult to talk about money. This causes tension among them, fights, and sometimes breakups. So, how can you talk to your spouse about money without fighting?
It does not have to be difficult to discuss finances with your spouse. It is all about understanding each other’s needs and living your life with common financial goals.
Having healthy financial conversations with your partner will solidify your marriage. You will plan vacations together, plan for retirement, make investments together, decide how much you can donate, etc. The rewards are endless.
If you have been having trouble talking to your spouse about money or don’t know where to start, this article will be your guide.
This article will go over 8 tips to help you talk to your spouse about money without having a fight.
Why is it important to talk to your spouse about money?
In a marriage or partnership, almost everything depends on the money decisions you make together. You can’t move forward with different opinions about your finances.
When your finances are on point, you can enjoy the following benefits and many more.
- Both of you will have excitments about investing and how much to invest
- You will choose how much to contribute to your retirement accounts
- Your relationship will be intact
- Happines swill flourish
- Bad financial decisions will be avoided
- You will never have fights over money
There is nothing more important than being on the same page with your spouse about your finances and talking.
The benefits I listed above are the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more you will benefit from talking to your spouse about your finances.
Without further ado, the following are 8 tips you can use when talking about finances with your spouse.
1. Be honest to each other
One of the main things that strengthen marriages and partnerships is honesty. Honesty is so important that it can help you get away with a lot of things. You must be sincere to your spouse and avoid anything that can threaten your relationships.
Talking to your spouse about money can be difficult not because lack the ability to communicate, but because you have been dishonest many times. Instead of telling the real truth, some people try to cover it up with lies hoping they can fix it later. Do not cut corners or lie because you are afraid of what you have done or not sure about the response you will get. He/she may not like it at first, but eventually, peace and truth with prevail.
If you have been dishonest, talk about that first. Clear that mountain between both of you and then move to your finances. It is sometimes a good idea to solve your problems one at a time.
2. Respect your spouse’s point of view about money
The next thing you need besides honesty is respecting your partner’s point of view about money. We are all humans and independent creatures. For this reason, we all have different opinions about finances, different goals, and more importantly, different financial desires.
You might like early retirement but your spouse may consider working until retirement. One of you may want to buy a used car whereas the other might want a brand new one.
None of these opinions are bad financial opinions. So, before you brush off your spouse’s money opinion, listen to it first. Validate it and find a way to explain your point of view without being offensive. Opinions can be changed as long as the right methods are utilized.
3. View your partner as an equal
One big mistake couples make is to treat their spouses as unequal. You are in a marriage for life and treating each equal is the first step to building a healthy life together.
Any decision you make whether financial or not will stick only if you view your spouse as an equal partner. You have the same responsibilities, save goals, and a long life ahead of you. For this reason, you should treat and view each other equally. Once you have achieved this condition, it will be much easier to talk to your spouse about money with fighting.
You will find it easy to convince your spouse about buying a brand new car. Why? Because you are one and equal. You will figure out a way to make it work. Your partner will not hesitate to support your ideas to borrow money for the car. Why? Because you will both work hard to pay it off without seeing it as a burden or a financial mistake your partner made.
If you want to know how to talk to your spouse about money, start working on things that make money a lesser issue in your relationship. Make sure that the financial decisions you make are made together and each one of you has a saying in it. Even if something goes wrong down the road, you will figure out a way to move forward together.
Sometimes talking to your spouse about money takes you back in time when you were little. If you think your partner does not like talking about money, find a way to cheer them up and bring them into the mood.
One way to make financial talks much easier and have everyone on the same page is to talk about dreams you had when you were both younger. Share with your spouse the dreams you had.
Maybe you wanted to travel or volunteer a lot. Share these dreams of yours with your partner. Have your partner tell you dreams they had when they were younger. These conversations could be a starting point for a great financial journey you will walk together.
Your next step is to connect these dreams with the financial decisions you must make to achieve them. Help your partner understand why some financial decisions should be made in order for them to realize those dreams. That is how you start. Past dreams can ease the discussions about finances with your spouse.
Related: 9 important steps to build a financial plan that works
5. Listen to your spouse
Discussing finance with your spouse will be difficult when you do not listen. If you have proposed an idea, it is important that you listen to what your spouse has to say. Remember, you are in it together. His/her opinion matters more than ideas you get from your friends and buddies.
When you don’t listen, everything becomes like a dictatorship or one-way communication. One month later, you say something and get no response because your spouse thinks you will not listen to it. Why bother responding if he/she is not going to listen or value what I say?
To avoid these issues and make it easy to talk to your spouse about money, start listening and validating their opinions. Start small and build it up one step at a time.
6. Communicate clearly your point of view
Poor communications are some of the biggest marriage destroyers. Forget about the money, respect, honesty, etc. You can’t have successful financial discussions without proper communications.
Some couples think of something in their heads, keep it to themselves, and then start acting as they discussed it with their partners. You need to be better and stronger than this. If there is something about the money you want to talk about with your partner, tell them. Your spouse cannot read your mind.
When talking to your spouse about money, communicate your ideas clearly. Find a way to tell them your money thoughts exactly the way they are. Do not share half of it and hope that your partner will figure out the rest. That is not communication.
For example, if you want to talk to your partner about opening an IRA account and contribute 10% of your income into the account; communicate that idea as it is and why you think it is important.
Do not just say, “I think we need to contribute to a retirement account.”
This sentence is vague and does not help in getting the conversation started. The only response you will get is probably: OK. This answer will not help either one of you.
7. Learn to compromise
Successful money talks in couples require many things. One important thing to successfully work it out together is your ability to compromise. If your partner wants to move into a little expensive neighborhood, but safer and close to her job; it might be beneficial to figure out how to make it work instead of saying no.
At the end of the day, your partner must have something that works and it is your responsibility to help your partner.
Support is everything in every marriage and sometimes support means compromising for the greater good.
8. Make all financial decisions together
Last but not least all financial decisions you make should be made together. Your spouse must be part of money-making decisions. You don’t make decisions and tell your spouse what you have decided.
If you want to know how to talk to your spouse about money without a fight, make all money decisions together.
Discuss all money matters together and solve issues that arise. You are bound together in a marriage and that means you should solve all problems together. That is what marriages and partnerships are about.
