Talking to your spouse about budgeting can sometimes be intimidating. This is how some people start the conversation: “Honey, you know the clothes you randomly buy online? We are going to stop that and no more eating in restaurants every weekend. We are spending too much. We need to start budgeting our money.”
This conversation does not work and sometimes ends up in fights. You can’t walk to your partner and say, “you cannot buy that anymore.” That is what dictators do. Your marriage is not a dictatorship. If you want to talk to your spouse about budgeting, you will need a whole new strategy.
The question is: how can you properly talk to your spouse about budgeting?
This article has some of the tips you can use to talk to your partner about budgeting practices.
When you find it difficult to talk to your spouse about budgeting, consider using common financial goals as a strategy. For example, instead of saying we need to save money and create a budget; have a friendly conversation with your spouse about her/his dream.
Let’s assume that your spouse wants to travel the world but due to his/her spending habits; you always find it difficult to save enough money. In this case, you start with the travel dreams and use your strategy backward. Talk to your spouse about that traveling dream. Remind them what it is and help them visualize all the beauty and happiness they will find once they visit that place.
Once they can see it, show them how much it will take to get there. Let’s assume that you did your math and realize that it will cost only $10,000 for both of you to spend 3 weeks there including all travel expenses.
Also, have a saving and budgeting strategy to save that $10,000 and explain the numbers to your partner with a given timeline.
Your partner will not pick a fight because you are helping her/him visualize their dreams. You are making those dreams a reality. Instead of fighting, your partner will ask you,” How can we save this money fast?”
This is when you will start talking to your spouse about budgeting
At this point, your partner is no longer thinking about missing out on those expensive designer clothes he/she buys. You have completely switched your partner’s mind to another priority: TRAVELING. For the first time, your spouse can visualize those dreams and he/she is willing to work with you.
In order to save that $10,000, some serious savings will be implemented. Unless you pick a second job or have a side hustle, you will need to cut down some of your expenses. So, you will start telling your spouse, “in order to have that amount needed for travel, you will need to start reducing expenses starting with things you don’t need”.
Maybe you need to get rid of some of the movie subscriptions, move to a much cheaper place, stop buying designer clothes, stop borrowing more money, etc. Whatever you have to do, you will figure it out together.
All these goals will not be realized without a budget. For this reason, you will start talking to your spouse that you need to create a budget. This will work because your spouse is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that travel goal.
Your spouse is talking to you about budgeting not because you said so. Instead, it is because he/she wants to achieve that travel dream. They are more interested in achieving their dreams than your budgeting rules. Therefore, they are happy to build a budget with you without even knowing that your intention was to create that budget.
Do not break your spouse’s trust
Note: This might sound like a mind game. But if it works, why not? Try to use this technique in a way that is less deceiving. And more importantly, meet the end of your bargain. You can’t save that money and later change your mind about traveling. This will cause long-lasting conflicts and reduce trust in your marriage. Think of this as promising your child candy and when it is time to buy it, you say, “honey, I can’t buy you candy right now. I am going to use the money for your school books.” Your child will hate you for it. Make sure that you buy the plane ticket and travel to that dream destination as promised. This will strengthen your relationship and make it easy for you to talk to your spouse about budgeting in the future.
2. Treat your spouse as an equal
Sometimes it is hard to discuss finances with your spouse because you have been pushing them to the curb for a while when making financial decisions. You can’t tell your spouse that you have to start creating a budget if you never talked to him or her about money in the past.
That will sound sketchy and random. What you can do, however, is to treat your spouse as an equal and give them complete respect in the marriage. Start making financial decisions together. Remember, you are both married and bound for life. That means you will share all your decisions and face problems together. But if you have chosen to take the financial part into your own hands, then it will be hard to approach your spouse later on for budgeting.
To make it easy for you, start making financial decisions together. Learn how to create a budget together. More importantly, talk about your finances very often and see how far you are toward reaching your goals.
3. Respect your spouse’s opinion about money
When it comes to money, people will have their own opinions. The opinion does not have to be good. Regardless of what your spouse thinks about money, respect those opinions. It is easy to respect the wrong opinions and help them see a better one than just saying that it is bad.
Life is working progress and nobody ever gets it right. So, as you go through your financial talks, make sure that you respect his/her opinion about money.
Respect is everything in a marriage. For this reason, you can’t make a functional budget without respecting the opinion of your spouse about that budget.
4. Be honest and sincere
Sometimes you worry much when you want to talk to your spouse about budgeting and saving money without knowing that the real problem is not about a budget. Your past experience can directly affect the way you talk to your partner about budgeting and finances in general.
Let’s assume that in the past you used to save money together. Then, you went behind his/her back and used that money to satisfy your desires (cheating, buying drugs, drinking, buying expensive toys, etc.).
How do you think your spouse is going to react when you open up about budgeting? Your spouse will be worried that history will repeat itself.
Instead of worrying about budgeting talks, consider changing your life and behaviors first. Work on your habits and make meaningful improvements that he/she can clearly see. Once you get to this level, it will not take long for your spouse to be proud of the changes you have made.
Since you have changed, the budgeting and saving talk will not resurrect history. It will all be about the future you share together and your spouse will not hesitate to hear about it.
5. Improve your communication skills
This might sound funny but communication is one of the biggest reasons marriages fall apart.
Some people know nothing about the benefits of budgeting their money. That is why they spend every dollar they make. If you know better, then it is your responsibility to communicate with your spouse about the benefits of budgeting your money first before you enforce the budgeting rules.
Once your spouse understands why it is a good idea to make a budget, talking about it will never be a big problem. Focus on the why. Also, do some homework.
There are times when you talk to your spouse about something and then they ask you how it works. Make you that you have a rough idea of how to do it. I don’t know should not be the answer you give to your spouse especially if you are the one who came up with that idea.
6. Don’t make them feel like they are the problem
Conflicts erupt usually because one person blames the other for issues they are facing in their marriages. Even if you know for sure that your partner is the problem, avoid blaming them for your money problems.
Don’t say that we are budgeting or we need to start budgeting money because you spend too much. It is obvious that your spouse spends too much and you both know it. But, some people don’t like to be reminded that they spend more than they are supposed to, or they are bad when they already know it.
It is one of those subconscious things.
Even if you end up creating a budget, your spouse will always think that the budget was created to punish them. For this reason, the budget will come with a huge emotional cost. The happiness level in your marriage will plummet due to the lack of trust and self-conscious issues.
You don’t want your spouse to start thinking, “what is my partner going to think if I buy this? or I don’t want to offend my partner from buying this, etc.”
Avoid blaming your partner if you were to have a productive financial talk.
