Growing up can sometimes be intimidating or confusing to some people. What does it take to grow up? Do you need a higher education degree to grow up? Do you have to be the richest person in the neighborhood to be a grown-up? As surprising as it sounds, growing up has nothing to do with your education level, age, wealth, or social status. Growing up has something to do with your decision-making capacity, emotional stability, character, and habits. You are a grown-up when you can think independently and make the best decisions possible in any circumstance. Growing up comes with being in control of your life, thoughts, emotions, and desire. Learn how to grow up and become the best person you can be no matter your background or social status.
It is critical that you recognize the difference between growing up and growing old. You will age and grow old whether you want it or not. Growing old requires no action. It is a natural thing. Growing up, on the other hand, requires hard work, sacrifice, learning new habits and skills, managing your emotions, building resilience, standing up for yourself, etc. In order to grow up, you must intentionally decide to change your life and make an effective plan to take you there. Growing up is a journey that requires daily practice and a definitive decision to achieve greatness.
If growing up is what you desire and are ready to take control of your life, this article was written with you in mind. Here, you will learn practical and effective tips to grow up and change your life for good.
Without further ado, the following are 20 tips to grow up and take control of your life.
1. Understand the difference between growing up and aging
There is a big difference between growing up and aging. Aging is not something you can control and it requires no effort or skills at all. You will age whether you want it or not. A person who was in a coma for 20 years, aged by 20 years. Do you see? Aging is nothing other than time slipping through your hands as you head to the finishing line. No matter what you do, you will still age, grow old, and die.
What about growing up? Well, growing up has nothing to do with your age. There is a great number of children out there who are making decisions of adults. At the same time, there are millions of adults (age-wise) who are making stupid decisions around the world. So, What is the difference?
Age does not qualify someone to be a grown-up. The decisions you make, the kind of life you live, the personal growth you attain, and your ability to choose between right and wrong are what qualify you to be a grown-up. If you don’t focus on personal growth, you will become an old fool. To grow up, you need to build skills and develop habits that make you a better person rather than an old person. You are a grown-up if you make better decisions, care about others, own your thoughts, live in harmony with yourself, and set yourself as an example for others.
In order to grow up, one must intentionally choose to change his/her life. You must also be willing to pay the price. The price you will pay will to grow up will not come from physical pain. Instead, the emotional pain in form of,
- Discipline
- Persistence
- Setting up goals and working hard every day to achieve them
- Doing what is right, and
- Staying on the personal growth journey until you have succeeded is what makes you a grown-up.
That is what growing up is about. If you don’t develop any of the above habits, you will never be a mature adult and your mental capacity will be non-existent. But, you will still age.
2. Have short-term and long-term goals
One of the characteristics of grown-ups is the ability to set up short-term and long-term goals. These goals can be anything you desire. For example, increasing your income by 30% in 2 years could be your short-term financial goal whereas having a net worth of $1 million could be your long-term goal (10 or more years).
It does not matter what your goals are. For example, your goals could be paying off your debts, losing weight, traveling with your family, changing a career, etc. You can also set your goals to find happiness or simply volunteer. Growing up means that you are aware of what you want in life and are willing to work on it until you have achieved it. The lack of goals is an indication of a lack of maturity.
Why does setting up goals matter when you want to grow up?
Because goals give you something to live for. You get a sense of purpose when you have goals. Without goals, you are simply purposeless. You can’t work hard because you have no reason to. You cannot make better decisions without having a reason for them. That is why people who are not grown-ups are usually irresponsible in their lives. They can’t save money, they are struggling with debt, they are emotionally unstable, their marriages fail, etc. The lack of purpose in life leads to personal destruction and a mediocre mindset.
You are more likely to hang out with losers when you lack maturity. In addition, the lack of goals in life leads to financial, emotional, or physical struggles.
So, if you want to grow up and take control of your life, start setting up goals. Decide where you want to be and what you want to achieve in the future and start working on those goals. If you need guidance on how to set up goals and achieve them, use the following guide.
Related guide: How to set up goals and execute them fast?
3. Learn to listen more than you speak
Listening to others is a common trait among grown-ups. Great leaders and smart people listen more than they speak. Why? Because they understand that no matter how smart they are, they can learn a thing or two from someone else. There is no such thing as being the smartest person.
A wise man once said,” If you are the smartest person in a room, you are in the wrong room.” If you are smarter than the people around you, you are hanging out with the wrong crowd. When you are in the right place, there is always something you will learn from those around you.
So, listening more than you speak shows that you are mature enough to consider other people’s opinions and are willing to give them credit. Even if you want to discredit an opinion, you can’t achieve that goal when you did not listen to it in the first place. Growing up requires that you listen to others and value their opinions. Always remember that you are not always right. Without listening and considering other people’s points of view, you will never know when you are wrong. Grow-ups always understand this point.
Listening more also gives you a different perspective. You get to understand where each and every person stands on a particular matter. This gives you a chance to reposition yourself or simply reorganize your thoughts and arguments. So, in order to grow up and become mature like wise women and men around you, start listening more than you speak.
4. Learn how to forgive others
Your ability to forgive others is a sign of maturity. In this world, almost everyone will try to do you wrong whether intentionally or unintentionally. Being the victim of wrongdoing, however, does not mean you need to seek revenge. What comes into the minds of immature people when they are wronged is revenge. They immediately want the other party to suffer as they did. In order to grow up, you need to become the master of your own thoughts and emotions. You also need to understand that not every action requires a response. This is what growing up is about.
Revenge only leads to more destruction and further conflicts. When you forgive a person, it gives them a chance to re-examine their actions and apologize when necessary. Even if they don’t apologize to you, it is unlikely they will repeat the same thing after you have forgiven them. Forgiveness leads to peace. Only grown-ups and mature people understand this point.
Many people very often confuse forgiveness with weakness. The reality is that forgiving people does not mean you are weaker than them. It simply means you are in control of your emotions and thoughts and are able to see what they cannot see. That is what helps you grow as a person both physically and spiritually.
So, how can you grow up by forgiving others?
The following are tips to help you develop a forgiving mindset and grow up at the same time.
- See the bigger pictures
- Evaluate the facts
- Give the other person a chance to process their actions
- Don’t respond to wrongdoings right away
- Meditate on the issue
- Don’t lose your temper
- Know what matters to you and avoid anything that gets in between
- Practice gratitude
- Stay calm
- Listen to what others have to say
- See yourself as the bigger guy
- Avoid confrontations at all cost
- Make peace with yourself
- Seek answers
5. To grow up, you need to make peace with your past
Personal growth requires a reflection on your past and making peace with it. You first need to understand that change is needed and you are ready to grow up. Before you solve a problem, you first need to admit that the problem exists. The lack of maturity is a problem. Staying immature is a big problem. Acknowledging that your past has not been what you wanted it to be is your first step in growing up. You need to be aware of the need for maturity before you start working on the issue. Did you grow up in a family where you were not challenged to grow up?
Did you hang out with the wrong people and now are realizing that you are on the wrong path? Have you not been able to achieve the goals you set for yourself due to the lack of commitment? The good news is that it is not too late to turn your life around and grow up. It would be best if you recognized where you are coming from and intentionally choose to change. Nothing will stop you from achieving the growth you desire when you are driven by self-consciousness and are ready for change.
6. Start hanging out with people you admire who are more mature than you
Growing up requires that you hang out with the right people. By default, you are the average of the people you hang out with. If you hang out with 9 immature people, you will become number 10. No matter how hungry for personal growth you are, you will not succeed when you are surrounded by losers and immature besties.
Humans are social animals. That is we try to fit in by copying behavior from one another. In order to grow up, you need to start hanging out with mature people and those who have attained the growth you need. This will allow you to copy their behavior and do what they do. They will also help you grow up and give you support when you are falling behind. People who are better than you will give you the guidance you need and challenge you to succeed.
7. Take control of your life
One of the most important steps you must take to grow up is to take control of your life. Taking control of your life means that you are self-conscious, think for yourself, and make your own decisions. You cannot achieve personal growth if you are letting others decide for you. In order to grow up, you need to be an independent thinker and problem solver. Stop letting others make decisions for you or shape your destiny.
The point here is that when you allow people to decide for you, you automatically become the person they want you to be. You cannot achieve personal growth when you cannot think for yourself.
So, start shaping your own life and make the necessary changes you need to achieve the personal growth you want. You are the master of your life and your life is yours to live. For this reason, you need to own your own emotions and thoughts and decide who you want to be.
People around you will not be good for you if they do not give you the freedom to think for yourself. You cannot grow up when everyone is fighting to make you do what they want. So, watch who you surround yourself with and know who to cut loose. That is how to grow up and take control of your life.
8. Improve your skills
The lack of knowledge usually leads to self-doubts, negative self-thoughts, and a lack of confidence. A wise man once said, “Knowledge is power.” During your journey to personal growth, you will need to improve your intellectual capacity as well. You cannot achieve the growth you desire when you lack the necessary knowledge and mental capacity to take you there. Growing up means that you never stop learning.
So, start learning material in your area of focus and expand to your hobbies and life in general. The more you know about yourself and life, the more you will contribute and make a difference around you. The more you know, the better you can navigate through life challenges and make educated decisions.
Growing up means that you understand how to differentiate right vs. wrong. In addition, you use the knowledge you have accumulated to help you make better choices in different circumstances.
9. Start acting responsibly
The journey toward personal growth can sometimes be intimidating. A good strategy that works all the time is to start acting and behaving like the person you want to become before you become one. In order words, if you want to grow up, you need to start behaving like a grow-up just like the saying “Fake it until you make it.” Instead of complaining about problems, start looking for solutions.
Growing up is a process that requires extensive discipline and hard work. It will also take you a long time to grow up. You need to learn new skills, practice new habits, build resilience, fight negativity, etc. All these new habits will take time. But, just because you have not achieved the growth you desire, it does not mean you cannot start acting like a mature human being. Start taking responsibility for things you are supposed to do. This is because your ability to take responsibility is a major characteristic of grown-ups.
At the end of the day, all these new habits will require a lot of practice before you master them. Don’t just wait. Keep practicing and act as if you have made it. Eventually, you will achieve the personal growth level you desire.
10. Don’t run away from problems
Grown-ups don’t run away from problems. Instead, they sit down, think outside the box, and figure out answers. That is what it takes to grow up. Aim for becoming a problem solver because being mature means that you will need to stand up where everyone else is falling.
Problem-solving skills are one of those things that scare people. Some people think that problem-solving means solving math problems. The truth is that problem-solving skills have nothing to do with solving Math problems.
Problems solving mean that you can think clearly, analyze specific situations, and figure out answers. This has nothing to do with science. You are a problem solver if you can pick the best choice possible to minimize risks and consequences. Your ability to differentiate right vs. wrong is a major factor in reaching personal growth and becoming a better person.
11. Start making decisions based on facts instead of emotions
One of the characteristics of lack of maturity is jumping to conclusions without facts or at least doing your own research. In order to grow up, you need to change the way you make decisions. We all have emotions and sometimes things can get out of control. But, at the end of the day, a conclusion supported by facts leads to better results and long-term success. No matter how much you are hurt or want answers, seek facts first. That is how you will be able to grow up and make a difference.
12. Learn how to manage your anger issues
A common trait among mature people is that they manage their anger and stay calm even when things are falling apart. Yes, people will wrong you and you might seek revenge. But, being a grown-up means that you need to look beyond your emotions. Learn to ignore your personal feelings for a moment and find a fact-based answer.
Revenge is never a good idea and nothing good comes from it. Seeking revenge leads to a never-ending cycle of suffering and destruction. That is why you need to learn how to be the bigger guy if you want to grow up. People will do you wrong and you cannot get revenge every day.
So, learn how to manage your anger issuers and start forgiving others. That is the real path to long-term personal growth.
Related: 12 tips on how to control your anger issues
13. Pay your own bills(rent/mortgage payments, utility, and other monthly subscriptions)
You cannot grow up if you are depending on others to take care of you. It will be a lie if you say you are a grown-up when people are supporting you with things you can do yourself. Growing up comes with responsibility. Taking responsibility for your financial obligations is the most important step in growing up.
You need to get a job, make your own money, and pay your own bills. If you leave in an apartment, for example, get a job and start paying your own rent, cover your utility bills, cable, etc. In case you have a car loan, student loan, personal loan, or mortgage, make your monthly loan payments with your own money. Do you have streaming services? Get a job and pay these bills by yourself. By taking full responsibility for your financial obligation, you get to build characters and habits that help you grow up.
In order words, paying your own bills helps you learn how to properly manage your money through budgeting, savings, and lower your expenses. This in turn becomes the foundation of building a successful financial mindset and building wealth.
Grown-ups take care of themselves. They take responsibility for their own problems, think outside the box, and figure out answers to their problems. They also think for themselves without relying on others to decide for them. This is the path you need to take if you want to achieve personal growth.
14. Take control of your finances
Your ability to manage your finances is a key indicator of maturity. You will often hear people who work 24/7 but have zero money in their savings accounts. How would someone make a really good income and live paycheck to paycheck lifestyle at the same time?
Because people don’t manage their finances. People don’t work to save money and build wealth. Instead, they(people) make money to spend it. This habit leads to long-term financial stress and finance-related anxiety.
You cannot achieve the personal growth and maturity you need if you cannot take care of your finances. Growing up comes from learning how to make money and manage your money effectively. To take control of your finances, learn how to create a budget that lets you lower your expenses and increase your savings. A budget is a powerful tool you can utilize to keep money in your pockets and build wealth.
A wise man once said, “It is not about how much you make. What you save is what makes the difference.” Personal growth requires you to manage your finances wisely. You cannot reach the maturity you desire if you cannot stop yourself from spending every penny you make. Living above your means and putting yourself in financial struggles through debt accumulation is a sign of a lack of maturity. Financially independent people and those who have achieved the personal growth you desire fully understand that acting financially responsible is the key to all success.
15. Learn to say no
Saying yes to everything is a sign of a lack of maturity. You cannot achieve the growth you want if you are being manipulated or cannot stand up for yourself. At some point in your life, you will need to say no no matter who is asking or who gets affected. You need to say yes only when it makes sense to do it. Not because you are afraid of saying no.
A big mistake a lot of people make is to say yes to everything because they don’t want to disappoint their friends, family members, etc. They(people) put themselves in harmful situations or do things they don’t want to do to please others. If you want to grow up, you need to give up this losing mindset and learn to say no.
Saying no does not mean you don’t care or don’t want to support others. It simply means that it is the best answer given the circumstances at hand. In addition, saying no means that you are independent and mature enough to stand up for yourself. Furthermore, no indicates that you think and make decisions by yourself without interventions from others. Growing up requires that you learn how to make firm decisions and say no when necessary.
16. Do not lower your standards or compromise on your values
Knowing your worth and setting up standards that define who you are is critical in your personal growth journey. Standards are what make you who you are. Without your own standards, you will be manipulated by others and make wrong choices due to external influences. Grown-ups are those who define who they are and never compromise their values for any reason.
Your standards and values are what keep you on the right path. Standards remind you of what is right and wrong. You cannot do something wrong knowingly because that decision will violate your standards and values.
For example, if you have decided to not take a bribe at any point in your life, nobody will convince you to do so. Why? Because that decision will violate your standards. Immature people usually lack standards and never define their values. So, they are corrupt, never stand up for what is right, have no definitive clear path, and chase profits no matter who gets hurt. You can’t have this mindset if you want to grow up and become the best version of yourself.
A big mistake people make is not having standards or lowering their standards. Their emotions get in their way and stop them from thinking clearly. Sometimes people put aside their values due to the influence of people around them. You cannot compromise your standards and grow up at the same time. You can either choose to grow up by setting up standards or stay immature with no standards. But, you cannot have both.
If you are surrounded by people who are ruining your life and asking you to compromise or lower your standards, walk away. These people are not good for you. Your path to growing up will be difficult and sometimes you will need to get rid of some people in order to grow up.
17. Improve your level of discipline
Growing up is not easy. You will need to make a plan, learn new habits, take care of yourself, manage your emotions and finances, etc. Your personal growth journey might also require you to cut loose some people in your life in order to succeed. Things will get tough emotionally and you will find yourself being targeted by the people you use to hang out with.
But, no matter how difficult things will get, you will still need to push forward and keep going. Because growing up is far superior to staying where you are so that you can keep your friends. You cannot destroy your life to please others. Stay disciplined and keep going no matter who gets mad. Your life is your responsibility. If giving up bad things you have been doing will help you grow up, go for it. Nothing else matters.
18. Be patient, optimistic, and believe in yourself
Patience and optimism are key ingredients in the growing-up journey. The lack of patience and optimism leads to self-doubt and giving up on the journey. You cannot succeed or push through hardships when you are not fully convinced that you can do it.
Your mind is so powerful that the person you think you are is who you become. If you tell yourself that you can achieve something, It will become a reality. At the same time, if you believe that you cannot do it, you will certainly not do it. Personal growth is a journey that can take months or years to achieve. In order to succeed, you will first need to believe that you can succeed, be patient about the journey, and be optimistic about it. Because growing up and taking your life into your own hands requires hard work and positive thinking.
Related: 9 tips to be optimistic and achieve big goals
19. Don’t let your eagerness and attitude get in your way
Many people do not reach maturity or the growth they desire because of their eagerness and stubbornness. In order to grow up, you first need to make peace with the fact that change is needed and are willing to do whatever it takes to grow up.
You need to put your eagerness aside and start learning. There are personal growth skills and habits you must learn. Some people think that these habits and exercises are silly and beneath them. You might say, “Who in the world stands in front of a mirror and tells themselves that they are going to have a great day?” Unfortunately, personal growth is a result of the relentless practice of things you call silly. You will need to reprogram your mind and visualize yourself as a grown-up before you become one.
Mental programming requires that you submit to the need for change and do whatever it takes to grow up. Even if it requires that you tell yourself that you are going to have a great day 10 times every morning, you must do it. There is nothing silly about growing up. Don’t let your eagerness stand in your way. The person you will become is far superior to what you think you are. Because who you are and the person you want to become are two completely different individuals.
20. Learn how to desire less
If you did not know, desire is one of your greatest weaknesses. Desire can also be your greatest strength. it is all about what you desire and how far you are willing to push yourself to get it.
Many people destroy themselves financially, mentally, and spiritually because of desire. Once their desires have kicked in everything stops making sense. So, they start doing dumb things and acting like they have no brains.
Desire is what causes you to buy a $500,000 home on a $40,000/year income. The same desire causes you to live above your means, steal, consume things that mess up your mind, etc.
If used correctly, desire will take you to the moon and back. All great riches come from a strong desire for riches. Highly successful people in the world and the greatest minds start with burning desires to be great.
The point here is that your desire will either kill you or save your life. When it comes to desiring material things, desire less. Because the people who have/had a strong desire to own more are the ones stealing money, destroying others to get what they want, taking bribes, having financial anxiety, or living on the streets. Personal growth requires one to manage his/her desire for things. The alternative is detrimental to your success, wealth, and health.
In order to grow up, you must understand how to control your desire. Learn how to live below your means. Instead of desiring expensive stuff or more stuff, desire to become the best person you can become. Make peace with the fact that you cannot own everything in the world. Taking control of your emotions is the foundation of all personal growth journeys.
