The next time you feel like you want to punch someone or like the world has forgotten you, take one step back and think for a moment. Very often, you will realize that it was a false alarm. The happiest and most successful people are the ones who can control their temper and stick to finding solutions rather than complaining about problems or seeking revenge. Learn how to control your anger and maximize your happiness and satisfaction in life.
Key takeaways
- When you are angry is the moment you are the most vulnerable. So, choose your words wisely, think before you speak, and walk away when you cannot effectively contain your emotions.
- Walking away is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it is a sign of maturity and a strong mindset. Sometimes you need to be the bigger guy.
- Anger management is about building resilience and reaching a harmonic state within your mind. Allocate all your resources to how you respond because a proper response brings more satisfaction and helps you calm down.
- The greatest warrior is one who wins a battle without fighting. So, choose forgiveness over revenge. Revenge causes more destruction and emotional instability to both parties. Forgiveness helps you release negative energy and hard feelings toward someone and mark the first step in emotional healing.
- You cannot have a strong mind in a weak body. In order to control your temper, you need to build a strong body by exercising, eating healthy, having enough sleep, and drinking enough water.
- Not everything is about you. There are times you need to help others first before you can heal yourself. For this reason, perspective should not be ignored when you are trying to control your anger issues. Listen to what others have to say, and put yourself in someone else shoes, before making a self-centered and biased conclusion.
- Not every battle is meant to be fought alone. You might need to lean on someone else to not fall. So, know when to seek counsel and professional help when needed.
The following are 12 ways to manage your anger issues and live in harmony with your emotions.
1. Don’t hold grudges because anger management and hard feelings don’t go well together
Holding a grudge means that you cannot let go of the resentment feeling about someone who did something wrong to you. When you are in this state, you can not easily control your anger. Bad feelings, resentment, revenge, and other negative energies are in control of your emotions. In this state, you are more vulnerable and likely to do something stupid. When you have anger issues and act on negative energy inside you, you end up doing something you regret later.
There are people who will hurt or do you wrong intentionally or unintentionally. These mistreatments can result in emotional or physical pain that lasts many months. You might feel angry and probably want revenge at some point in your life. Although these emotions can be validated by your pain, holding a grudge will only exacerbate your anger. Holding a grudge can lead you to do unimaginable things that you might regret later on.
This is why one of the best ways to control your anger is to never hold grudges. Yes, it is hard to let go of your revenge thoughts or hard feeling toward someone. But, it is the best course of action.
How to avoid holding a grudge?
Holding a grudge is a direct result of something wrong another individual has done to you. So, letting that feeling go is a major step in anger management strategies. There is a number of ways you can manage your anger and avoid holding grudges.
The following strategy can help you avoid holding a grudge
- Acknowledge the wrongdoing. Understanding what happened and exactly what another person has done to you is the first step in controlling your anger. The more you know and understand the issue, the better it is to choose the best course of action.
- Choose forgiveness over revenge. Just like conflict management, forgiveness is one of the best solutions to deal with grudges. By forgiving a person who wronged you, you automatically release that negative energy and focus on positivity. In other words, life goes on.
- Stop treating yourself as a victim. Negativity is often associated with people who believe that they are victims all the time. Instead of having negative feelings about things that happen around you, start building strong mental capacity and find solutions. Very often you will realize that what you needed was a strong mind to navigate through life’s challenges. Remember, you cannot control what people do to you, think about you, or gossip about you. What you are in control of is how you respond. Holding grudges is the opposite of what you should be doing. Why? Because grudges only make you worse and do not directly affect the other person, unless you act.
- Move on. Now that you have forgiven someone and no longer have hard feelings, it is time that you move on.
- Say never again. Forgiveness and moving on does not mean forgetting. You still need to always remember what happened and do what you can to prevent it from happening again. In order words, your future matters the most, and therefore, you need to come up with ways to avoid reliving the past.
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2. Anger management requires calmness. So, talk only when you are calm
People tend to yell, curse, or beat up others when they are angry. When you are angry is also the moment when you are the most vulnerable. That is you can easily hurt someone or do something that you wouldn’t do with full consciousness. You might also end up cursing someone or much worse.
Such activities can also trigger a response from the other person. For example, if you curse someone, the person could do the same thing to you. This negative energy between both of you can make the situation worse and lead to violence.
How can you control your anger and choose to do the right thing?
Expressing your voice only when you are calm is a great strategy you can use to manage your temper. Remember, you are angry because of the actions of other people. Unless you stay calm and respond with professionalism, you will end up making the problem worse.
Speaking only when you are calm prevents you from yelling at someone, cursing at people, throwing chairs at them, or beating them up. By default, you receive what you give. For this reason, the other person will not choose violence if you did not initiate it.
Anger management is all about figuring out ways to bring your emotions to a harmonic state. Anything you do or say when you are trying to control your anger must contribute to building peace rather than destruction. Stay calm, take a deep breath, and open your mouth with full consciousness.
3. Think before you speak because some people will make you angry to exploit your weakness
A person whose mind is taken over by anger is more likely to do something stupid. That is right. Most people don’t think straight when they are angry. That is whenever you are angry, you need to think first and speak last.
Why is this important? The moment you are angry at someone, you are automatically thinking about negative things about that person.
Unless you choose to think before you speak, what will come out of your mouth is those negative things. For example, you might be cursing at someone inside your head. That will not matter to them because they can’t read your mind. But, if you express those feelings out loud, the other person could retaliate and come up with something much worse. So, whatever you are thinking, do not say it out loud. Think first.
You can’t control your anger if what you are doing is causing more harm. Always remember that there are people who make you angry to exploit your weakness. So, you need to outsmart them all and choose your words wisely. Focus on the bigger picture and choose peace. You can easily achieve these two important elements by thinking before you speak.
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4. Listen more than you talk: Not everything is about you
Great leaders both in business and in life are great listeners. Great leaders listen more than they talk. Why is it important to listen more than you talk when you dealing with anger issues?
When you listen, you give the other person the chance to express their opinions which helps release their negative energy. By releasing their negative energy, they end up calming down even if you did not offer them a solution. The happier or less angry they are, the lesser they will choose violence and revenge.
Talking more than you listen does the opposite. Instead of you helping people solve their problems and creating a harmonic environment, you only focus on yourself. Focusing only on yourself translates to selfishness. Even if someone wronged you, you will need to hear what they say. Maybe you made that conclusion from the wrong angle. You will never know unless you listen to what they have to say. Perspective is a major factor that cannot be ignored when dealing with personal and interpersonal anger issues.
Not everything is about. Being angry does not mean you are right. It simply means that you decided to be angry in response to an event that happened. The more you dig deeper and understand the true cause of the issue, the easier it will be to control your anger. Knowledge is power. You might end up having a different reaction or a change of heart when you know the full story.
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5. Focus on the solution instead of the problem
After someone has done something wrong to you, the damage is already done. What you do from that moment on is what matters the most. Always remember that you cannot change the past. But, the future is in your hands. Finding a solution to the problem instead of dwelling on the problem is a perfect way to deal with your anger issues.
This is because no matter how much revenge you will get, the curse words you will throw out, or the number of employees you will fire, the problem will still be there. Instead of spending too much time on the problem, focus on the answer. Any minute you spend worrying about the problem is a waste of time. Use your precious time to find answers to the problem. The faster you come up with the answer, the more stable and less angry you will become.
In order to control your anger properly, you need to find something positive to occupy your mind. When you are finding answers, your mind focuses on what you will gain once the problem is gone instead of how much worse things will get when you don’t succeed. This simple strategy slowly transitions your thinking from negative energy to positive ones. Hence, making you a little happier and less angry. In other words, you have something to live for that is greater than the alternatives.
6. Be proactive if you want to create a long-lasting emotional stability
Unless you are angry with yourself, there are always two parties involved in any problem. Finding answers also will require cooperation between the parties involved. Even if you are mad at someone for something they are not aware of, it is always important to be proactive when needed. Solutions are more important than current emotional status. Being part of the solution could be all you needed to appease your anger issues. Mutual understanding comes in handy when dealing with anger issues.
If you want to become the master of your temper, start being proactive in finding answers. Your participation is still needed whether you want it or not. If the problem requires that you contribute, please do so. You might find peace in helping others instead of them helping you.
The lack of proactiveness can initiate loneliness, amplify your anger, and cause more harm. That is why one of the best ways to control your anger issues is to get involved and be part of the solutions.
7. Exercise and eat healthy: A strong mind and a pure soul must reside in a strong body
People who are good at managing their anger are usually the ones who exercise regularly and eat healthy food. Why do exercise and eating healthy matter when it comes to managing your anger?
When you exercise, you automatically improve the health of your brain, manage your weight, lower the chances of diseases, build strong bones and muscles, etc. In order words, regular exercise helps you build a strong physical body to protect you from what normal people fall for.
The same applies to food. Healthy food builds your immune system which in turn prevents you from random diseases. Healthy people, tend to think clearly and be in harmony with their emotions. Other benefits of eating healthy include building your bones, strengthening your muscles, helping you live longer, helping you fight diabetes, improving your digestive system, and much more.
Anger management is all about being strong and stable in your mind. You cannot be strong in your mind if you have a weak body. Eating properly and exercising regularly helps you build a body strong enough to support and control your anger. The more your health deteriorates, the harder it is to manage your emotions. So, focus on building a strong body if you want to manage what goes inside your head.
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8. Drink water and have enough sleep
Just like healthy food and regular exercise, drinking water and having enough sleep are other two utterly important ingredients in managing your anger issues. The lack of sleep contributes to more emotional problems. People with less sleep tend to be angrier than those who sleep a good number of hours. By default, anything can make you angry due to the lack of sleep.
The lack of sleep affects your physical support and emotional ability to deal with issues. Hence, increasing your level of anger very often. When you are in this state and someone makes you angry, you will react really fast and do something stupid. The lack of sleep weakens your body and deprives your brain of the ability to control your temper.
Water also contributes to how you react to problems and your ability to solve them. It(water) regulates your blood pressure, temperature, boosts your energy and improves your digestive system and kidney functions, and much more. In order words, water is everything in your body. The lack of water means you can’t function properly or deal with your anger the way you are supposed to.
9. Walk away: Walking away is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it is a sign of emotional strength and maturity
The moment you are angry is not the best time to respond or participate in a particular event. This is because your emotions are already compromised, and therefore, the outcome could be the opposite of what is needed. Instead of staying around the person who wronged you or a situation that made you mad, walk away.
Take one minute, a day or a month or so to digest the situation and make peace with it. Staying longer can make you angrier if situations are not contained. For example, if there is a person who is bullying you, you can contain your anger by walking away. Staying will only prompt you to respond with a feast or something worse. Always remember that the greatest warrior is the one who wins the war without fighting. Walking away is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.
Walking away does not erase the action committed. Instead, it prevents you from actively being involved in conflicts or making things worse. This gives you a chance to manage your emotional response to what happened not what could have happened if you stayed.
10. Get a third-party help
There are times when your anger issues might be too much to deal with by yourself. That is where professional anger management will come in. You might also need to talk to someone such as a family member or a friend about what you are going through. Make sure that the person you are talking to is understanding and genuine.
The third party can help you see the other side of the story or help you contain your anger toward those who wronged you. They can also help you come up with a healing plan and move on. Rember, revenge is not the best course of action when managing emotions. You will still be angry even after getting your revenge. That is why another person can talk you out of revenge plots and help you reach reconciliation.
11. Meditate
Anger management is a battle that goes inside you rather than outside of you. In order words, you are trying to manage your emotional response toward a particular person, action, or issue. Meditation has proven to be one of the best ways to control your anger and live in harmony with yourself. If you have anger management issues, start meditating regularly. This will lead you to a peaceful state of mind rather than destruction or revenge.
12. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes
There are times when you might be angry due to the wrong conclusions you have made. It is important to recognize that you are not always right. Even if you are right, you might need to put your pride aside and consider the other person’s point of view. For example, if you had an argument with your spouse, consider their point of view. Try to understand why your spouse acted the way he/she did. See where they are coming from.
Maybe your spouse was acting in the best interests of both of you. Or maybe you are wrong about the situation altogether due to miss communication. You will never know until you ask and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Do not make conclusions only based on your own opinions.
