Happiness is a state of mind that is directly affected by your current emotional state and future events’ expectations. True happiness is more of what goes inside you than what is expressed on the outside. Small changes you make in your daily life, new habits you adopt, and the way you think and take care of yourself mark the foundation of your happiness. The lack of hope in future events could also affect your happiness level. Although there are many reasons why you are not happy, the lack of happiness in your life has something to do with:
- The way you interpret and think of events that happen in your life, and
- How you respond to events that happen to you.
It is not what other people do to you that determines your happiness. Instead, it is how you interpret and respond to what people do to you that determines your happiness. For example, a breakup from a toxic relationship will negatively devastate you emotionally. But, what you do after the break up will determine whether you will be happy again or never recover from your emotional breakdown.
Some people end up on the streets and turn to alcohol and drugs after breaking up. Others, search and find new lovers. How can you be happy again after a heartbreaking event? You can do so by choosing to treat the breakup as an opportunity to heal and recover from traumatic events you encountered during the relationship.
The path to happiness
The path to happiness is not as easy. But, it is possible to find happiness no matter what you are going through. You will have to overcome hardship, deal with emotional struggles, and build resilience. This path to happiness is possible if you believe you can do it and are willing to go through it.
You might be saying, “Oh, you don’t know what I went through”, “Nobody in the world has ever experienced what I am going through”, “You don’t know my struggles”, etc. The truth is that you don’t know what others experienced or what they are going through either. Each person is fighting his or her own emotional struggles. People can try to understand your struggles but none can feel them the way you do. Just because you are having a hard time, it does not mean you cannot find happiness. You need to know that happiness is important to you and pursue it.
Happiness comes from within yourself and you must deliberately choose to be happy. If you choose not to be happy, nobody will make you happy. This is because happiness is an emotional state directly affected by the decisions you make and how you treat your body. Those who dare to be happy should equally improve their quality of life. Whether you want to be happy alone or simply find happiness again after a heartbreaking event, you need a strong body to support the emotional strength you are building. Happiness is not about a single thing you will do to become emotionally stable. Instead, it is a combination of multiple actions you will take that lead to a common goal: Living in harmony with yourself.
This article will walk you through effective ways to turn your life around and find happiness no matter your current emotional state or life struggles.
What happiness is not
Happiness is more of what goes inside you rather than outside of you. That is why you cannot measure your level of happiness based on the number of cars you own, the value of your house, the size of your bank account, your salary, etc. Money and material things can be used to define happiness. But, money can give you access to things that are essential to your happiness. There are millions of people who are financially independent, own expensive things, live in yachts, and yet, are still unhappy. Whether you want to be happy or be happy again after a heartbreak, take money out of the equation.
A homeless with no proper clothes, assurance of a diner, or a place to sleep, might be happier than you even if you have everything you ever wanted material-wise. Why? Because happiness has nothing to do with material things. Money can give you access to things that make you happy. But, money alone will not make you happy. Hence, the meaning of the sentence, “Money cannot buy happiness.”
The lack of money will not make you happy either. At the end of the day, you will not be happy if you can’t pay for your kid’s school fees, fitness program, competition fees, feed your kids, or clothes them. Money is an essential element to help you achieve your life necessities. The lack of money will make your life miserable and difficult to be happy. You cannot be happy if you are worried about the future and financial securities. So, treat money as part of the equation instead of being the equation. There is a separation between money and happiness. But one can affect the other.
This article will walk you through different tips you can use to find happiness and live in harmony with yourself.
Without further ado, let’s get started.
1. Manage your stress level
Stress is one of the biggest causes of a lack of happiness. You cannot be happy if your stress level is on the roof all the time. Stress comes in many forms and levels. The higher your stress level is, the more unhappy you will become. Unfortunately, almost everything around you can give you stress. But these things can easily be managed with proper planning. For example, if you have toddlers that keep you up all night, you might need to work with your partner to get things in control.
You can also give up those extra savings and hire a nanny for a couple of hours per day. Those extra hours will be perfect for napping or simply taking a rest.
You are probably unhappy and stressed due to overloading your body. If you are unhappy due to working two to three jobs, for example, you might need to give up one of the jobs to take back your life. Remember, working hard or trading your life for money will not make you happy. There is nothing in this world you can trade your health for. Not even money. Money cannot buy happiness. If you feel unhappy about yourself, it is a time to cut back on things that stress you and rob you of happiness.
More money and material things will not make you happy. It is all about finding the balance.
The following tips can help you manage your stress level and make you feel happy about yourself.
- Talk to other people
- Share your story
- Enjoy nature
- Take care of your body
- Increase your mental and intellectual capacity
- Learn a new hoppy
- Walk away from things that stress you up such as jobs, noisy people, toxic relationships, etc.
- Reduce your social media time
- Spend more time with your loved ones
- Avoid alcohol and drugs
- Get a professional help
- Meditate
- Have life goals
- Avoid gossiping
- Stop worrying about what others think about you
- Accept yourself
- Stop worrying about money
2. Boost your self-esteem
The lack of self-esteem minimizes your level of happiness. Your self-confidence and your ability to believe in yourself and value your worth are what self-esteem is about. Nobody will bring you down if you believe you are greater and more capable than who they think you are.
You cannot lose if you don’t see yourself as a loser. No one can’t minimize your worth and drag you in the mud if you think you are worth more. Who you think you are and your ability to believe in yourself and achieve more, mark the foundation of your happiness. The more confident you are as an individual, the happier you become.
Instead of treating happiness as the amount of money you can make, the cars you drive, or the expensive things you can own, start treading happiness as your ability to feel complete and able to solve your problems. Happiness is about how you feel about yourself rather than how you look outside.
If you want to be happy, start building your internal strengths and worry less about how you look on the outside. The outside will not matter if you are rotting inside. It is like burning a house and trying to hide the smoke. The house will burn whether you hide the smoke or not.
3. Fight all forms of negativity
On your quest to find happiness, you will encounter all kinds of negativity. Negativity causes a lot of doubts and hinders your ability to do great things or recover from stressful events. Stress is a major factor that affects your happiness regardless of your financial stability or support for external parties. For this reason, it is easier to find happiness when you are exposed to less stress.
There are many forms of negativities you will encounter in your life. But, all forms of negativity can be summarized into two main categories. (1) Negativity that comes from within yourself or self-inflicted negativity and (2) negativity that comes from outside you.
- Self-inflicted negativity. This is one of the worst forms of negativity you will encounter in your life. Once self-negativity kicks in, it will be difficult to recover from it. You cannot think properly or solve complex problems if you are shutting yourself down. And you cannot be happy if you are fighting against yourself. You know you have self-inflicted negativity when you use self-negative language or feel like you are not worthy of happiness. Some of the following sentences can help you evaluate where you stand.
- I cannot do it
- I am a loser
- Why me?
- Everyone wins except me
- I cannot do it
- I am not ready for it
- The rich stole my money
- I am poor because rich people stole my money
- My relationship is always bad because of me
- I will never make it
- I am not worth it
- Life sucks
- I will never be happy
- My life will never recover
- Everyone hates me
- Nobody likes me, etc.
- The negativity that comes from other people. This form of negativity will not have an impact on your life unless you choose it to happen. That is what people think about you, say about you, gossip about you, etc, will not affect you if you chose to ignore them and stay positive. In order to be happy, you need to change the way you think about events that happen to you. How you move forward after an external event will determine your happiness level as well. The negativity that comes from others will sound like the following.
- You are a loser
- I don’t want to be around you
- You cannot do it
- You suck
- Many people don’t like you
- You cannot do it, etc.
- I hate you
- You will never win
- You are a failure
How to fight these forms of negativity and be happy?
In order to be happy, you need to fight these negativities. None will shut you down and take away your happiness if you don’t allow it to happen. Since the worst form of negativity is the one you inflict on yourself, you need to focus on it more than everything else. You can easily ignore what people say to you. But, you cannot ignore what is eating you from the inside.
To avoid self-inflicted negativity, you need to change the way you think and how you treat yourself. Instead of saying you are a lose, say you are a winner. Instead of saying you always lose, ask yourself how you can win. Don’t say you will never be happy again. Instead, ask yourself how you can be happy again. By changing the way you see and treat yourself, you will easily fight your own negativity. As you shift your mind from negative thinking to positive thinking, you improve your happiness level.
The negativity that comes from others is easy to ignore and recover from. You can easily learn how to ignore people and move on when people are not treating you the way they are supposed to. First, don’t give people a chance to walk on you, and know when to cut them loose when you have to. You are not in control of what people do to you. But, you are in control of how you respond. So, focus on how you respond to a problem instead of the problem itself.
Where do negative thoughts come from?
Negative thoughts usually come from betrayal, hurtful events, trauma, hate, jealousy, etc. No matter how hard these events are, we gain nothing when we only see the bad in them. Keep in mind that I am not saying you should see the good in a negative event such as trauma or bullying. What I am saying is that they are bad, but you need to move on.
For example, if you are being bullied due to being overweight, you could probably ask yourself what you can do to make a difference in your own life. Failure is not just failure. Successful and strong-minded people see failure as a form of success. If you are being bullied due to being overweight, it would be hard to be happy with such traumatic thoughts in your mind. But, these thoughts could also be your life-changing moments.
Reporting such events to your boss could be part of the solution, but not the only one or enough to bring you happiness. You still have to work on yourself mentally to build resilience and prevent this traumatic event from shattering your happiness. Will losing a few pounds help you increase your happiness level? If this is the case, hit the gym and show your haters that they are messing with the wrong person.
One great way to avoid negative thoughts is to challenge them. For example, if you are unhappy due to the lack of hope and confidence in the outcome of a particular event, switch your gear and start seeing it as it has happened. Picture yourself in the future after you have succeeded. Then, focus your thoughts on what you are going to get when you succeed instead of what you will lose when an event fails. Whether you want to be happy alone or be happy again after a negative event, you could benefit from this strategy.
As long as you focus on the positive expectations and the benefits of an event, you will be harmonic with yourself. By challenging your thoughts, you are also being mentally stronger and happier at the same time. You will worry less and find happiness when you become the boss of your own thoughts.
In order to be happy, you also need to treat yourself as a winner. For example, you need to avoid the languages and sentences losers use. Instead of saying, “I am a loser”, replace that with, “I am a winner.” Instead of saying, “I cannot do it”, say, “I can do it.” These small changes to the way you view yourself and the problems lead to positive thinking and happiness at the same time. Remember, happiness is a state of mind that comes from within yourself. The more positive you are about yourself and the events around you, the happier you become.
4. Enjoy yourself
Enjoying yourself is an easy and simple way to increase your happiness level. So, what does enjoying yourself mean? In simple terms, enjoying yourself means having a good time and pleasure. Instead of worrying too much about everything, take money to celebrate and be happy with what you have already. You have come a long way, and therefore, you deserve to be happy and celebrate the moment.
The following tips can help you enjoy yourself and be happy again.
- Do not compare yourself with others. You are a unique individual and nobody in this world has the potential like yours. Try to find peace in what you have accumulated and celebrate small wins. Be proud of yourself and never let anyone shut you down because you have less than them.
- Learn how to be happy alone. Being happy alone does not mean being lonely. Instead, it means that you feel complete as an individual, and therefore, any extra help will be a bonus. You feel in charge of your life and destiny regardless of the odds.
- Have free time to explore your surroundings. The world around you is big enough to help you figure out what is missing. Instead of working at your job 24/7, take a time off and wander around. See what the world has to offer. Take a walk or sit in a park and read a book. You can also sit down and meditate. Any minute you spend with yourself, helps you build resilience and a strong mindset. As a result, you become happy due to your present emotional state.
- Stay away from social media and your phone. Virtual life is not good when you are trying to be happy or find happiness again. Everyone in the world has an opinion about everything. The more time you spend on social media listening to what others think, the more stress you will accumulate and the harder it will be to find happiness. So, ignore all these noises and focus on yourself. The more you make peace with yourself, the happier you will become.
5. Have a healthy lifestyle
Happiness has something to do with your life as a whole. Everything you do must get you closer to finding happiness. Happiness also is a result of a healthy and strong body. In other words, you need to focus on your health as much as you want to be happy.
Happy people are usually the ones who are healthy in every way possible. If you are getting sick very often or struggling with a self-inflicted disease, you might find it harder to attain happiness. For example, if you smoke too much and end up developing cancer, it could be harder to be happy again. You might lose the ability to feel happy for the rest of your life due to daily regrets. For this reason, you need to take care of yourself and avoid decisions that compromise your health, strengths, and value.
How can you take care of yourself?
Happiness is a direct result of how you feel about yourself and the environment around you. If you are not happy with your body, or how you look, you might need to do something about it. Doing something about does not mean changing the way you look. Instead, it means finding answers to why you are not happy about yourself. Does losing a few pounds mean a lot to you? If so, then hitting the gym and changing your diet might be a solution. There is a number of things you can do to take care of yourself and be happy at the same time.
The following 5 tips will help you build a strong body and stable mind to manage your emotions and be happy with yourself.
- Eat healthy meals. In order to be happy, you need to have a strong mind that can navigate through life challenges and complex problems. You need to be a problem solver rather than a complainer. To do this, you will need to build a strong body through healthy eating. Great food helps you build muscle, increase your immune system, and help you fight diseases. Your body does not get compromised by simple things that many people struggle with when you eat healthy foods. You find it easy to manage your emotions and make educated decisions. Hence, increasing your level of satisfaction and happiness.
- Have enough sleep. Sleep is a mandatory part of the happiness equation. Lack of sleep increases your stress level and hinders your ability to manage your anger. You also get pissed very often because you are weak both physically and emotionally.
- Exercise very often. If you are struggling with happiness, you probably need to hit the gym. Not only that you lose weight and build muscles from working out, but you also release stress from physical activities. Again what you need is to stay active. People often think that in order to be happy, they need to take classes, and read thousands of books. Unfortunately, what is needed to be happy are those small things that you keep ignoring. Also, what one person needs to be happy might not be the same in your case. So, start with simple and small things and build your happiness levels one step at a time.
- Drink enough water. Water is probably the most important element in your body. Without water, you will function at a much-reduced capacity. Every cell, muscle tissue, organ, etc. functions with the help of water. Water also helps you to regular temperature and acts as a medium for all metabolic activities. Your thoughts and mental stability depend on the effectiveness of your physical body.
- Avoid alcohol, smoking, drugs, and other things that affect your level of thinking. Anything that hinders your ability to think properly, automatically reduces your level of happiness. Alcohol, smoking, drugs, and related products give you temporary hype while causing a lifetime of emotional and physical damage. Your happiness depends on how you treat yourself as a whole and your ability to manage emotional responses to external factors. These products weaken your body. Which in the end lowers your capacity to properly manage your emotions. You cannot be happy if you are not in control of your emotions.
6. Hangout with happy people
Humans are social animals that copy culture and emotions from others. By default, you are the average of the people you hangout out with. So, if you want to be happy, hang out with happy people.
When you hang out with unhappy people you become unhappy. This is because you copy their behavior and get affected by what goes into their lives. When you are not happy yourself, you will realize that almost everyone around you is not happy. Why is this possible? Because you affect each other. Those who are not struggling with financial setbacks, they are dealing with toxic relationships. Others are fighting with emotional struggles due to the lack of purpose, addiction, and much more.
If this is where you belong and are currently not happy with yourself, you need to break off. Walk away and start hanging out with people who have what you need. In this case, you will need to hang out with happy people. By doing so, you will start copying their habits and learning from them.
Instead of complaining, you will start solving problems the same way happy people do. When unhappy people are watching movies or playing video games or drinking, you will be reading books on how to take control of their finances, increase happiness levels, and succeed in life. Instead of eating nasty foods, you will be making your own healthy meals.
This is because happy people are always looking for ways to stay happy. So, they read a lot, practice gratitude, work out, smile, and take care of others. By mimicking the same habits, you will become happy with little to no effort.
Happiness is all about sharing, openness, and being true to yourself. The more you own your emotions and are open to vulnerability, the more you become happy with yourself. Many people don’t like the vulnerability associated with sharing and talking about their problems with other people. That is actually true. But, it is through vulnerability that we find strength. You cannot achieve happiness if you are not willing to be vulnerable.
Sometimes what you need to achieve happiness is to share a little more of what is going on inside you. Holding your emotions inside you creates agony and mental struggles. It is like you are waiting for things to go away while holding your breath. Eventually, your body will give up and you will pass out.
In order to achieve happiness, put aside the fear of being laughed at and share your emotions with people you trust.
Do you suffer from a particular addiction? Are you afraid that your entire life is filled with loss and you never get ahead? Did someone hurt you and now you are struggling to find happiness again? Did you do something that you regret your entire life and cannot see yourself moving forward?
Whatever you are struggling with can easily be dealt with if you share it with the person you trust the most. You can also seek help from a professional individual you trust. Sharing and talking about your issues is an important step in moving on and finding happiness.
8. Build resilience
Life is like a rollercoaster. One day, you are up, happy, and laughing. The following day your entire world has been broken into pieces and no one cares. These continuous patterns are what make us strong humans. Your ability to go through difficult moments and recover from them fast enough is essential at all levels of age and happiness.
For example, if you recently broke up with someone you loved, you might find it difficult to be happy again. You are probably thinking that your entire world has ended as you knew it. The question is, “Did your world really end?” The answer is that what just happened to you is sad but it is not the end of the world.
Life moves on and you need to pick yourself up. That is what strong humans do. You fight sadness with hope and expect the best to come. Happiness cannot be achieved where there is a lack of resilience.
You cannot stop the world from spinning or bad things from coming your way. Being in a storm does not mean you cannot be happy. What is waiting for you is better and more promising than your recent life experience. No matter how many times you get knocked down, you can still move on and find happiness. The sooner you realize that you are in control of your life and destiny, the faster you will find happiness.
9. To find happiness, you need to be optimistic
Your lack of happiness is probably due to not being optimistic about your future. Things are falling apart every day, you never get ahead, you are always losing, and now you have lost hope. Maybe you just lost your investment or a job and think that it is the end of your journey. You cannot find happiness if you don’t believe that things will turn out great.
The truth is that it is not over yet. You still have a long life ahead of you. What is in the past is gone forever. What is ahead of you is what you should focus on. You are a strong person, and therefore, you deserve more. There is light at the end of the tunnel. But, you need to believe you can make it there. The more you feel optimistic about your future, the easier and happier you will feel about yourself. Always remember that happiness is a measure of internal emotional stability. The more you feel great about yourself and your future, the happier you will become.
The lack of optimism leads to giving up on life. You cannot be happy if you have given up on things that matter. Maybe you feel lost and have no way out.
To turn your life around and be happy again, believe in a greater future and live every day of your life working toward that future. That is how you become happy and live a long life full of joy and great memories.
Related: 9 tips to be optimistic and achieve big goals
10. Declutter your mind and your home
The things you need to do to be happy might be organizing your mind and home. Everything that goes inside your mind could negatively affect your ability to fight negativity, stay positive, and be happy. That is why every once in a while you need to reflect on yourself and declutter your mind and where you live.
People who are unhappy are usually overwhelmed by a lot of activities and have no time to live for themselves. What if you can get rid of all those mental shackles and be happy about yourself? You can do this by decluttering your mind. The following are some of the tips to help you declutter your mind.
- Be decisive
- Avoid multitasking
- Reduce your social media time
- Prioritize your tasks
- Take a walk and enjoy nature
- Avoid negativity
- Do not hold grudges
- Have goals and only focus on what helps you achieve them
Besides decluttering your mind, you will also need to declutter your home. A disorganized and malfunctioning home can directly affect your happiness. So, if you think your home is not up to your standards, take some time and declutter your entire home. Get your life together and make your home what you want it to do. Are you overwhelmed by how hard it is to find things in your home? Do you get stressed by how your home looks like? If so, it is a perfect time to declutter your home.
The following tips can help you lower stress related to your home.
- Lower your belongings through giveaways
- Organize your home the way you want it to be
- Sort items
- Put items you use the most closely and were accessible
- Take your time
- Hide items you don’t use very often
- Stop buying useless and trash things
- Practice tidiness
- Do some landscaping
Related: 10 tips to declutter your mind fast in 2022
11. Take notes and write your story
As I stated early, what brings happiness is a combination of small intentional changes you execute on a daily basis. It is about different actions, habits, and behaviors you adopt with a common goal. Some people find internal peace in recording or writing down their happiness goals, life challenges, and dreams.
Others write down their daily activities in personal notes or in an app. If you are interested in achieving happiness through this journey, start by listing where you have been and what you want to go. Create a list of personal goals you want to achieve to be happier. You can have a weekly, monthly, and yearly happiness challenge and document these goals in your journal.
The journal will be used to record your progress and help you achieve your goals. By re-evaluating your performance, you can tell when you are heading in the right direction or when you are falling behind. For example, let’s say that you are unhappy with the way you look and want to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year.
You can divide those 50 pounds by 12 and then 4 to figure out the number of pounds you need to lose per week and per month. So, in this case, you will need to lose 4.2 lbs per month and around 1 lb per week. You will then write this goal in your journal and document your progress every week and month. In case you did not meet your goals, you must figure out ways to catch up by either working out more, changing your diet, or both.
Losing 50 lbs is not the only thing that will make you happy. Your entire journey, the emotional struggles you conquered, and your ability to believe in yourself and finally achieve your goals will all make you happy.
Your journal can also be a reminder of things you have done in the past that took your happiness away and what you are intending to do to correct your mistakes. Happiness is a journey. So, every day you will be reminded of what you must do and not do to be happy and stay happy.
12. Reflect on your past and be grateful for what you have because there are people who are trying to be where you are
Sometimes we need to know where we are coming from in order to know where we are going. If you think you are lost, evaluate where you are coming from. Is your past much worse that where you are now? Do you think that you have got it worse? Maybe not. One thing that can help you know your worth and be happy is to reflect on your past and compare it with your future expectations and surroundings.
Is your lack of happiness due to your inability to live in the best house in your neighborhood? If you are saying this, what about a homeless who does not even have a shower, a roof over his head, food to eat, or water to drink? Are you unhappy because you think you don’t have the best hair in the world? What about a patient who is undergoing chemotherapy and has lost all her hair? What do you think she is saying?
Before you give up on your happiness journey, first understand where you came from. Not everything you have done or events you experienced in your life are worthless. Focus on what you can learn from these events and move on. Also be grateful for what you have because somewhere in the world, there are millions of people who are fighting to be where you are.
13. To be happy, Improve your financial situations
Financial independence is something that every person dreams about. Making more money will not make you happier. But, the lack of money will definitely cost you everything including happiness.
If you are unhappy due to financial difficulties and a lack of resources to support your loved ones, maybe it is time to boost your earnings. The purpose of making extra money in this case is to be able to meet your financial needs. For example, if you are getting paid a meager salary and cannot afford your kids’ tuition and related expenses, a boost in your income can make the difference.
To boost your income, either get a different job that pays you more or get a boost at your current job. By meeting your current financial needs, you will release some of your financial stress and become a little happier than usual. The extra money will not make you rich, but it will help you support those you love the most. Less financial stress will lead to less anxiety and pave your way to happiness.
